Control Freak

Thank God for the Internet. No--really I am not sure how much books would have cost me to begin learning about this disease. I guess- - well I know I am a bit of a control freak. Learning all I can about this shit of a disease makes me feel a bit more in control. I have been this way my whole life. When most kids were picking teams I was figuring out new better rules for the game. Not that they needed to be changed it was just I like things my way. So this is why so many times in life I struggle. Oh the old saying when life gives you lemons you must make lemonade. Yea well fuck all that. I want to change the recipe. I need one person squeezing the lemons--one person measuring the sugar--someone to stir. That is what I need to happen right this minute. Someone figure out the bills at work--someone else take care of my uncle whose house has burned and needs a hand--send me a person to take care of my household duties-- spend time with my son he deserves it--make sure my dad is doing ok physically and mentally--someone anyone tell me Mom is going to be fine!! That is my life recipe. I want it. I need it.